Family Ties

Create a Gem Jar and use it as a mechanism to reinforce desired, positive, and encouraging behavior within your home. Gems can be given to children and parents alike when being cooperative, helpful, sharing, creative, kind, and even for problem solving or handling a challenging situation well. The goal is to recognize EFFORT and ALIGNMENT with your family values/mission and to build positive behavioral momentum along the way. Once the jar is FULL you can enjoy a special reward as a family (like going out for ice cream, picnicking in the park, a special family movie night, or engaging in any other activity that is special and can be enjoyed by ALL.) This is a quick and easy system to set up and implement. I used an old clear vase and purchased a variety of gems for the kids to choose from. The top of our jar had a band depicting the values most critical to our family functioning (sharing, caring, loving, cooperation) and served as a written reminder of the positive behaviors and choices we intended to instill.

All family members have the ability to give and receive gems at any given time; which is incredibly empowering to the children, and the jar remained in a place that was constantly seen and easily accessible to everyone (even my daughter who was only 3 at the time). The only requirement for giving a gem was that the “giver” needed to clearly communicate to the recipient why the gem was being given (reinforcing and strengthening communication as well as social connectedness through compliments). It is important to note that this system is intended to be a POSITIVE strategy employed to maintain and cultivate good behavior in the home as well as healthy connectedness; therefore, gems are given but NEVER taken away. If your kiddos are having a challenging week it may take them longer to achieve the full jar, and that is ok!! But please do not take away previously earned gems as a means to “consequate” current behavior. That is not the goal of this system and it will not only degrade it’s value, it will quickly lose it’s effectiveness as a tool for positive behavioral change.

It’s really FUN to see what words others choose for you too!! It’s a great way to spark conversation and it helps to bridge connection and understanding amongst family members. Even for members that could be considered “difficult” or “bossy”, creating options to capture these traits in a more positively valenced way such as “persistent”, “passionate”, or “determined” can spark greater levels of reciprocity and deeper, more meaningful levels of understanding. Once your boards are created, hang them proudly in your home. As your kiddos grow and change, I encourage you to update the word boards to capture the uniqueness of who they are and their ever evolving personality. They are incredible, time stamped keepsakes that you are bound to cherish for years to come!!

Are you into the vision board trend? How about a twist on this tried and true favorite….FAMILY VISION BOARDING. I know for sure that families that DREAM together ACHIEVE together!! Creating vision boards can be a powerful tool to teach children about goal setting in both the short and long term, as well as how they track to achieve those goals and/or make revisions along the way. Goal setting and CASTING A FORWARD VISION is a critical LIFE skill, in my opinion. And family vision boarding is a wonderful way to capture both personal and COLLECTIVE family goals!

Use pictures, words, phrases, quotes, symbols, or any other materials that speak to you (maybe a map of places you want to visit a family), to create your board. This can be a traditional style made out of a cork board with push pins or you can even devote an entire wall in your home office or other common area of your home. Whatever medium FEELS RIGHT for you and your family is what you should use. Just make sure it’s on display!! Don’t create it and file it away my friends!! Dreams are meant to be acknowledged and SHARED, especially with those we hold most dear. Family vision boards are also a fantastic way to create ENERGY and investment from ALL MEMBERS around the outcome (in addition to an added layer of accountability~ like ” hey mom, how is that book you plan on finishing this year coming along?”)! As goals are achieved and experiences are experienced, crossed them off or remove them altogether. And don’t forget to celebrate TOGETHER, whether the successes are large or small! Likewise, if you choose to remove the items as they are achieved considering adding a new one in its place. That way your vision board becomes a living “document” of sorts that is ever- evolving with you and your family! Whatever method you choose, START TODAY! So DREAM BIG my friends, and commit to creating your personalized pathway to get there!!

Create a YEAR JAR to capture the candid moments, experiences (good and bad) and to highlight various goals and achievements of family members throughout the year. Designate a specific jar to be used to record special memories, events, achievements or even goals (I recommend keeping sticky notes and pens/markers nearby too). The start filling it up with the years most precious moments! The best part, at the end of the year take some time to read through all of the entries and to reminisce about the hardships faced as well as the special moments SHARED throughout the year (we do this on New Year’s Day). Then record or save them in any way you see fit! It’s a wonderful way to not only create CONNECTEDNESS but preserve the moments and memories (large and small) that make up the mundane and momentous days of our lives.